Got back all my papers for MBTs today.

Math S

Econs E

Lit D

GP B

Hist D

I can't really say that I'm disappointed because there are other people who did far worse than me.

But I am really indignant about my math grade.

Math was probably the only subject that I really studied.

Yet it was the only subject that I failed.

How ironic.

Today's prep talk in math lecture only seem to add on to the guilt I feel.

Who am I kidding,

the paper was manageable.

It wasn't as bad as what we made it out to be.

It only seemed challenging to me simply because I wasn't prepared enough.

So in the end, I have no one but myself to blame.

Moreover, I had one more year compared to others,

yet I only managed to get an S.

S may be better than U, but no matter what, S is still a fail.

If the MBTs were A Levels standard, does that mean I'm going to get an S at the As?

Is that what I wasted one year of my life for?

I keep thinking to myself,

there has to be reason for my decision to want to redo my J1 year with a different stream.

Last year was a second chance for me.

Yet looking at my MBTs it feels as if I haven't really grabbed hold of that chance.

Shooting is no excuse, it's not as if I have to train every single day.

There are no excuses for me, none.

Because the days that I were free, I had not made full use of them.

If people are able to juggle CCA and studies, why can't I?

Thank goodness there is no banding for MBTs.

At least I still have one more exam to prove my worth.

Getting into LT4 isn't enough.

To get that A that I really need, I need to squeeze into LT5 no matter what it takes.

And I believe that if I want it bad enough, I will get it.