I feel so so happy for her.
But at the same time,
Looking at all my friends happily pairing up,
I feel so lonely.


Thought that I would have someone special to spend Christmas with this year.
But turns out I'm so wrong.
At the very least at the end of the day I still have my family with me.


The world didn't end, 2013 is coming up.
Looks like its going to be a lonely year for me.


You said I wouldn't have to be alone for next year's valentine's.
You promised that I wouldn't have to ever spend my birthday alone again.


You lied.


Everything is as it is.
I may have had an unforgettable birthday this year with you,
but I did spend the past 19 birthdays with no one but my family anyway.
Next year won't be any different.


It's been almost 4 weeks. Almost a month.
I miss you. So much.
And it still hurts.
I'm not happy. I'm not fucking happy at all.
I don't understand why the fuck you think your stupid decision will make me happier because it feels like I haven't really smiled for a long time.
Forcing myself to smile because I don't want the people who love me to worry.


Do you care?
Or should I ask, have you ever cared?
You claim that you care for me,
but if you do why are you hurting me like this?


I just want this to stop.
I don't ever want to cry over you anymore.


Dying to leave tomorrow.
And I genuinely hope that when I come back on the 30th I will be able to find back my smile.
Because I do want to welcome the new year with a smile.