Oh why is it so hard?
Should I go?
I'm so so confused.
I can't weigh properly,
if the trip is worth my time and my money.
Somehow...
There's this feel that I might not to benefit from the trip.
It's true that the there are top-notch coaches there,
that one would improve very quickly.
But what happens when one does not even have talent in the first place?
Will I be just wasting my time and money?
It's worth it for other people because there is a chance that they will improve.
But for me,
it feels that that chance is minimal.
If that's the case,
then why should I waste my time chasing something so futile?
As if this year wasn't enough.
There's expectations and hope,
only to be disappointed.


My mum asked me if I really need and want to be in school team that badly.
Somehow, with all the thinking,
I have to agree that the feeling was much much stronger last year.
Even if I do go for the trip,
will I even have a chance?
I keep thinking,
and somehow my heart tells me that the chance I have is slim.
I keep thinking if it would kill me to not be in school team.
And I do agree that it will hurt somehow,
but somewhere in this year,
I realize that I need to grow up.
It might be disappointing,
but it won't kill.