When does the pain cease?
Does it ever go away?
I see pictures of you and I still cry.
I know looking at your picture doesn't bring you back.
I know it's silly trying to stroke your head through the photographs.

Some days, I just like to close my eyes and picture you curled up behind the crunch.
Chewing your bone.
Begging for food.
Bounding up to me happily whenever I come over.

People who say you're just a dog don't understand.
They never will.

Are you doing well there?
Is there plenty of food?
Are you friends with Wah Wah up there?
If you see him, could you tell him that I miss him very much?

Tyson ah,
I miss you.
We all do.

There are days where you just really feel like punching a wall, 

Or punching someone,

Or getting into the car and just driving to a silent spot to cry your heart out,
Or driving with the windows down and feeling the tears dry on your cheeks.

Anything to let out all the pent-up emotions in your head.

Building.

Bursting.

Days where you just feel so small,

And unloved.
Is there anyone who truly cares about you? 

Today is one of those days.

I give up.
I really feel like giving up.

What's the point of telling you things when you don't even understand me?
Are you really that dense?
Or are you just deliberately choosing to not listen to what I'm trying to say?

If you persevere,
Everything that you have done would be for something.
If you give up,
Everything that you have done would be for nothing.

Timely reminder.
Thank you.

Continuing was a mistake.
It doesn't feel the same,
And it clearly isn't going to be the same anymore.
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth chasing a has been.
Is it all wishful thinking on my part?


I need to learn to let go and let beautiful memories just remain as what they are supposed to be.
But...
How?

SFR2894H

2005-2015

It wasn't the fanciest car,

Nor the fastest car around.

But I spent a huge part of my formative years being ferried around in that car. 

I remember the years my mom fetched me to AHS in that little black car,

Coming out of school exhausted from a day of NPCC training and seeing my mom in that black car there waiting for me.

Those years spent being driven to MJC.

After I learnt driving, I spent hours driving around leisurely in that car,

Singing at the top of my lungs and doing mini dances at red traffic lights.

The groggy mornings on my way to NUS in that car.

The almost accident that occurred when a rogue cockroach appeared when I was driving to school. 

That one time I actually burst a tyre when I hit the kerb while doing a right turn at the junction near my house. 

That time I was driving my mom and brother to Katong Shopping Centre and the car suddenly overheated for no reason.

All those fond memories that I had.

That car was the first car I confidently drove after I've gotten my licence.

It was a car that impressed a lot of people because people never fail to be surprised that I'm a girl driving a manual car.

And I could proudly say that my skills in driving a manual car far exceeds the skills of any other person I know, male or female.

Driving an auto car just isn't fun anymore after you've spent so long driving a manual one.

That car was the only car that I could refer to as mine. 

It was my car just as much as it was my mom's.

I had a tiny wishful hope that we would renew its COE instead of buying a new car to replace it.

But it was dashed when my parents came home from the Mitsubishi showroom bearing paperwork of the new car.

I was really disappointed,

But I understand that renewing the COE meant that the car would have to go through a major overhaul because so many of its parts were failing due its age. 

Afterall, it has been a long 10 years.

I miss you.

Thank you for those 10 years of happiness on the roads.

I would give anything to have you back.

To wake up, walk to the carpark and see tiny little you in a parking lot, 

Solid and sturdy as always.

Farewell, old friend.

In times of trouble, trust and hope in Him. 

There is a reason why I am going on SEP,

And I should be grateful for having been given this opportunity.

Just a little hiccup with the school and modules now.

Praying hard that everything will turn out fine.

My 2015 resolution is that I should embrace uncertainty and new challenges.

But I can only do by having faith in Him. 

Just as I fretted over the problem I face with my SEP, 

This suddenly came to mind:

Trust in His will and way, and just get going.

Thank You, for Your unwavering reassurance and peace.